It's Hard To Be Happy When Your Head Is Full Of Sin, by Equinox (2024)

1.

I know that what I’m doing is wrong but I just can’t help myself.Jesus, bless me, I’m about to sin, and, drown in her bodies wealth.I know that I shouldn’t do these things but I can’t control my whims.I’ve never been a religious man, but now I’m counting my sins.Time can only tell when I can face up to the world,and the chauvinist inside me will be out once and for all,and the times I’ve acted in ill health are rubbed clean from my past.These are the times I can live free without aspersions cast.I know what I am doing to her but she’s led me for so long,And if she keeps on pushing me, to her whimsies I’ll belong.I know that what I’m doing is wrong, but I must succumb to lust.The sexist housed inside of me must keep this image robust.Jesus Christ you’ve got to help me please,even though in God I have never believed.

2.

My head is aching, mymind is brewing, I’msure there’s something Ishould be doing, toease your conscience baby -clear your mind,but I’m far too busy clearing mine.My head is aching, mybody’s dying, I’msure there’s someone Ican hear crying, forsomeone to hold on to - for all time,but I’m too engrossed making my life prime.My head is aching, mybrain is hurting, Ican almost sense thefinal curtain, nowthat life has fulfilledmy every wish,I could die only feeling the pain of your kiss.

3.

So, is this goodbye to a friend?A friendship we thought would not end.Is this the start of where we drift apart?Into loneliness now we descend.

4.

As if in my armsyour head on my breastA lifetime awaythen together againCould your heart resume beating?Will you breathe once again?A lifetime together, never to partI will never again feel the beat of your heartI look to your eyes to search for some lightI know you can see me, I know you have lifeMust I take my own life to touch you again?To re-join my true love must I vacate this plane?I must hold your torch high, though I long to be oneI cannot, I will not, believe you are gone.

5.

I want somebody who’s thereWhen I’m needing a friendI know who’ll always be nearUntil the bitterest endSomeone who I can relyTo always be aroundSomeone to talk toWithout even a soundShe will let me be freeWhen I need to let goThen she’ll bring me back hometo her open armsNow I’m not always rightI am frequently wrongBut she understandsand tells me how to improveTo be her perfect manOne who she’ll want for all timeAnd if the truth were to be knownI just want her to be mine

6.

With you I have shared my entire life,I could not go on if you were to die,I would be at complete loss should you not be here,it is so commonplace to know you are so nearIf you were to die then I would soon follow.There’s a hell that haunts me of you dying tomorrow.Please don’t ever die on meas it would surely destroy mePlease. Don’t. Die. On. Me.With you I have felt at my own ease.For you I’ve done my utmost to please.Should you ever go then I could not carry on.To your uniqueness I could no longer belong.If you were to die I would surely collapse.To my childhood bad habits I would no doubt relapse.Please don’t ever die on me,as it would really cripple mePlease. Don’t. Die. On. Me.

7.

It's barely 15 minutes since I found his body thereSlouching on the settee with a vomit induced stareAn empty prescription bottle sticking to his clammy handand half a dozen tablets scattered round like grains of sandA crisp manila envelope sealed with little haste'To Whom It May Concern' inscribed upon its faceAs I stooped to pick it up I swear he smiled at meI knew, at last, he'd arrived upon the place he yearned to beThe letter read:'If you've found this note you're too late to say goodbyeIf you're reading this then I've already left your lifeIf you're stood there wondering why I've done what I have donethe answer is life and all it brings, and, what I've left undonePlease pass on all my love to the girl I love the mostTell her I'll watch over her with Father, Son and Holy GhostAnd one more thing - before you think that you can save my lifeis that everything I have I leave to the boys and my humbled wife'Now as I look down on his form I know I will not cryI will not wince, I will feel no pain, I will not question whyI will instead be happy that he is at peace at lastThat his troubles and his worries are now all in the pastHe often told me that he felt he was destined for greater thingsthat the life he had was difficult with all the hurt it bringsand I know now what he meant when said under his breathe - "Media vita in morte sumus” (in the middle of life we are in death)

8.

My sweet RoseMon cherieDid you want to kiss me?Did you want me to leave?Your placeYour homeI didn’t mean to leave my heartWhere I should only leave my moneyYou take meYou f*ck meYou leave meTo decomposeWhilst I pay:You’ll always be mineYour thoughts are mineYour body is mineYour soul is mineAnd when I’m gone:My feelings remainMy love grows strongerMy heart beats fasterFor my beautiful whor*

9.

I sit here aloneAlone, here I sitThe silent phone My impenetrable witMy insufferable museMy existence forlornI long to abusemy despicable formThis stubborn old mulehas nothing to giveThis wretched sad foolhas no reason to liveThe New Year Eve timecrawls beyond midnightMy paranoia benignnever gives up the fightAlone, here I sitI remain here aloneTo misery I commitIn life’s game, a pawn.

10.

Scream Lord Almighty!Scream Lord above.Scream damn and tarnation.Scream out aloud.Scream Hell on all Earth.Scream evil to all.Scream obscenities out.Scream pain to man.Scream war all over.Scream death to alive.Scream bad to enemies.Scream bad to friends.Scream bad to parents.Scream bad to kin.Scream Jesus H. Christ!Scream God never lived.Scream love of evil.Scream Satan is King!Scream Lord Almighty!Scream Lord above.Scream damn and tarnation.Scream out aloud.

11.

I write this wayas it’s how I feelContentTogethernessWantedYou’re my second chanceMy lifesaverStrengthPassionMy rockYou’ve brought me downfrom my fancy flightCalmStableGroundedStay with me foreverIt’s what I wantYouMeUs

12.

Do you question your existence?Pleasure, pain, suffering, elationJoy, death, love/lust, emptinessHurt, guilt, loneliness, hungerPoverty, betrayal, commitment, ecstasyPity, trust, friendship, religionSexism, machismo, masochism, tortureRacism, hom*ophobia, parenting, jealousyCare, concern, infidelity, hateDecisions, contemplation, adultery, violenceWithout questions you find no answers.

13.

I grip your throatHold the cold steel to your skullSee life pulsing on your templeBeads of sweat on your foreheadMy finger twitching on the triggerI salivateSweat on my palmsMy heart beats fast, faster, so fastMy throat poundsMy finger twitchesYour pupils dilateYou shudder in terrorI tighten my gripPut this weapon in your mouthYou winceYou squealMy finger twitching (pull the trigger)MotionlessYou fall Gone

14.

I think I’ve found something, but I don’t know what it isA simmering belief in a thing I cannot describeSomething to follow – a presence or a spiritIn the hope of having something I can hold on toA thing that I know will comfort me in times of needA thing I converse with, confess to (pray, in a sense)I have envied acquaintances who worship and believeNow I too feel I may be aligning a religion of sorts.

When William Blake penned his often recited poem Jerusalem about the North West of England (more specifically East Lancashire) he could almost have unwittingly been setting the scene for the work of Equinox. Those ‘dark Satanic mills’ almost a metaphor for the depression that is prevalent within the poetry and the ‘mental fight’ that has become an almost daily battle.

The poetry of Equinox takes no prisoners with subject matter ranging from male suicide to prostitution but with equal amounts of undying love and devotion, and has been set to music by several musical influencers with whom contact has been made over the last few years.

“it draws you in and then slaps you in the head..... Brilliantly done" - Gideon Coe, BBC Radio 6 Music

“we could be about to witness an explosion” – Louder Than War (Ones to Watch 2017)

“brilliant” – God Is In The TV

"sound big enough to fill a ballroom" - Gigslu*tz

"a compelling and eclectic release, with tunes that will move your feet as well as your mind" - KitMonsters

"Equinox has released what is one of the most immersive, frustrating, enjoyable, progressive, and ultimately listenable records I've ever heard." - Echo Synthetic

“Equinox’s Mancunian lilt is very reminiscent of Ian Curtis” - Joyzine

"this is excellent" - HiFi Curious